The Honeymoon Stage

Love. There has never been a concept more laden or loaded. I’ve heard it said that "love is all you need," that love "lifts us up where we belong." But I’ve also witnessed that nothing on earth is more treacherous or glorious than when it’s at its extremes. It is a fine line, love, as it can be equally euphoric as painful, proportionally devastating as enlightening. But despite its precariousness, the vote is unanimous that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all… if only to experience The Honeymoon Stage.

Traditionally, The Honeymoon Stage refers to the era in a relationship when love strikes: the stars align, heartbeats skip, and the world redirects its orbit to circumspect two people. At least that is what those two people believe. Rarely, however, does this concept apply to the most significant relationship of all: the relationships we have with ourselves.

I realized recently that we live in a world of measurement, and our distance from the social average, however marginal or great, is the gauge of our self worth. And it also occurred to me, that I am no exception to the rule. After a lifetime of comparing and competing with everyone around me, I realized one rainy, lowly, feel-bad-about yourself-day, that our society is one in which our position on the acievement spectrum indicates our value. It struck me suddenly: I spent all of my adolescent years thinking I was stupid, just because my best friend got better grades than I did, and lived my high school years in misery because my teammates were thinner than me. It was an epiphany. I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't want to continue exisiting by other people's standards rather than living. Period. It's not one for others to judge or to hate or to love.

So here is the project: to relearn to love myself, the same way I did in preschool - when my fingerpaintings were true expressionism pieces; when I took pride in anything that made me happy; when nothing, neither people nor circumstances, could make me feel bad about myself. I want the simplicity of childhood back, in a way that helps me remember that in order to expand myself, I must first look within myself.

I hope you enjoy my stepping outside my comfort zone as much, if not more, than I do.